


Not True

by scifishipper



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2014-09-22
Packaged: 2018-02-18 08:26:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2341667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scifishipper/pseuds/scifishipper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bill tries to cope when Saul reveals his cylon nature.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not True

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt: "Bill tells Saul right away" for BSGKink's "Everyone's a Cylon"

"Bill," Saul said from the edge of Bill's long brown sofa. When he looked up, Saul's face was ashen.

"What's wrong," Bill asked, dropping his papers and pen down onto his desk and approaching his partner.

"It's me, Bill. It's frakking me." From a few feet away Bill could see Saul's hands shaking.

"What do you mean?" Bill approached and gripped Saul's arms, squeezing his biceps tight. "What's going on?"

"I'm a frakking cylon, Bill. Godsdamned cylon." Saul's eye was wide and panicked and he swayed in Bill's grip.

"What are you talking about?" Bill asked, heart beating loudly in his ears. "That's crazy."

"It's true, Bill. That frakking song. That music, it turned me on." Saul's gaze grew distant, face still pale.

"There's no way. I've known you for thirty frakking years. No. Can't be." Bill squeezed Saul harder, willing away something that he couldn't imagine to be true. Couldn't be possible. No.

Saul seemed to crumble in Bill's arms and he put his arms around him. "I didn't want to believe it, Bill. It's...frakking hell, Bill. I'm sorry." Saul started to shake harder, voice tremulous against Bill's neck. "I didn't know. All this time..." 

Bill felt Saul's grip tight around his waist and he just stood still. He couldn't leave, but didn't want to stay either. After everything they'd been through, he just...no. Frak! Bill willed himself still, no comforting, but this man he'd known longer than anyone else in his life. Loved him more than words could express. Would die for him in a frakking heartbeat. 

"My gods," Bill said, voice scratched with grief. "Frak, Saul. Frak. Frak. Frak." Bill felt the rage simmering, a long-held deep grief about what the cylons had done, the searing fear that someone he loved, Lee or Kara or Dee, would be a cylon. But never Saul. My gods, never Saul Tigh.

Suddenly, Bill let go, jolting back, unable to stop his body's reaction. "I can't. Frak. Saul, I need..." He rubbed his hands through his hair and tilted towards the whiskey, reaching out for something to steady him. 

He took the bottle and drank, letting the cool liquid pour down his neck. Liquid courage, they called it, and he frakking needed it right now. He felt Saul behind him, radiating pain. Gods, he did not want to look. What would he be now? Married to a frakking cylon? Oh, my gods. 

The alcohol burned his guts, spreading warmth through his skin as he gripped the side of the table. He wanted to rewind time, more now than at any moment he'd ever known. Take it all back, motherfrakkers!

"Bill, I'm sorry. Please..." He sense Saul approaching and he fought back bile. Don't turn around. Don't turn around. 

"Hey..." Saul said, and placed a hand flat in the middle of his back. "I am still me. I know what I am, godsdamnit, but I am still your husband. Look at me."

Bill shook his head, thinking of a time ten minutes ago. Paperwork and logs and the things that kept him sane. Frak.

Saul slid his hand onto Bill's shoulder and tugged. "Come on, Bill. Don't shut me out."

It was Bill's time to slump, shoulders falling in a uniform that felt too big. He turned, eyes focused on the crisp lines of Saul's military jacket, the bob of his Adam's apple as he swallowed. 

Saul dragged a hand up Bill's arm and touched his face, tilting it up, smearing wetness along his jaw. He wanted to close his eyes. Not see. No. They closed and he couldn’t stop. He couldn't look. Not Saul!

A moment later, the feather of a breath, then Saul's lips on his. Cool and familiar. Then his body pressed against Bill, urging him on, opening his mouth with his tongue. So painfully familiar. So frakking wrong.

Bill shifted, wanting to move, but letting himself be touched. His body screamed for sameness, the moments before this awful truth when they sought comfort in each other's arms, a love that had spanned two decades of service together. The most solid thing in his life, more so even than his ship. He wanted it back.

“I am still here, Bill,” Saul breathed into his mouth. “I love you,” he said, voice gravelly. 

Emotion choked Bill’s voice as he gripped Saul hard around his shoulders, crushing them together, feeling his lover’s erection digging into his hip. This was how they solved things, frakking each other’s brains out until it was done. Spent. And the remembered who they were. 

Saul grabbed Bill’s ass and squeezed, pressing their dicks together, biting Bill’s lip and making him groan. Bill let the sensation and desire wash over him. Let the thoughts fall away as Saul palmed his erection then unfastened his pants. 

“Turn around,” Saul said, keeping Bill in his grip as he pushed his pants down. “I want to frak you.”

Bill wanted it, too. The rare switch of Saul inside him, filling him up with something he needed. The reminder, togetherness, what once was. Bill groaned as Saul slid a finger inside his hole. He pushed back, felt the burn and wanted more. Wanted to be alive and burning. Frakked into oblivion.

“Do it, mother frakker. Just do it,” Bill grated, pushing back hard against Saul’s fingers as he gripped Saul’s dick with his hand. 

“You’re not ready.” Saul pulled away from him.

“Frak you, you frakking metal piece of shit. Just do it!” Bill was practically shouting now, fisting Saul’s dick, begging to be frakked.

“Frak you, Bill,” Saul said, and swatted Bill’s hand away. He pressed his dick against Bill’s hole, thick and too big, but he pushed in anyway. 

Bill hissed at the pain, mind screaming and exalting at the overwhelming sensation. He pushed back, taking more, wanting it to hurt and burn and frakking own him. 

“Saul!” Bill groaned, breath short and sharp. “Move!”

And Saul did, pushing in and pulling out again, leaving Bill hissing at the burn and pushing back more. The burn eased and Bill felt the pleasure spread through him, gasping sharply when Saul hit his prostate, sending shocks of electricity through his ass. 

“Frak, yes. Come on, harder!” Bill clutched at the table and at Saul’s fingers on his shoulders. 

Saul did what he asked, frakked him again and again, then gripped Bill’s dick and pumped, just two or three times and Bill groaned, deep and longing as he came, spilling over Saul’s hand. Saul’s hips stuttered against his ass and Saul squeezed him tight. “I love you, Bill. So much.” Saul came with a groan. A moment later, he slid out, leaving wet trailing down Bill’s leg. 

Bill felt Saul’s forehead against is shoulder, damp fingers on his hips. “You okay, Bill?” Saul asked, rubbing his thumb lightly on Bill’s skin.

“No. I’m not okay, Saul. How can it be true?” The euphoria was drifting away, leaving him feeling spent and sad, not quite sure how in the frak he was supposed to keep going.

“I don’t know, Bill. But we’re gonna get through it. We’re gonna stop feeling sorry for ourselves and man the frak up. You hear me?” Saul said, squeezing Bill for emphasis. 

Bill wanted to believe him, listen and do what he asked. It was so godsdamned hard.

“Okay, Saul. Okay. We’ll be okay.” Bill breathed out in a woosh and gripped one of Saul’s hands. He had no frakking idea how he would cope, if he would, if he could. But godsdamned, he was going to try.


End file.
